


Revenge is a dish served in Middle Earth

by dttwins



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF!Bilbo, BAMF!Thorin, BAMFs, Badass Thorin and Company, Gen, Thorin and Company just kill everybody, a bit like Assassin's creed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 18:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1575389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dttwins/pseuds/dttwins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo still thought Smaug defeat was more epic then this pathetic demon. Balrog couldn’t even handle some water. Pitiful.</p><p>Bilbo and his merry dwarves go and kill all the bad guys. Happily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revenge is a dish served in Middle Earth

After the battle of Azanulbizar, something broke in him with his father disappearance. From that moment on Thorin lived only waiting for, only wanting one thing-revenge. He would destroy the dragon, and all the orcs he could, he will kill all evil that will dare stand in his way, but he will have his revenge. Every year he would go to Oin, and every time the portents would be negative, and so the king waited. But not now. It was finally time. There were only thirteen of them, some very young like Fili, Kili and Ori, but he was sure in them as he was in himself, because one look in their eyes revealed the same thing, they wanted blood of their enemies. Thorin knew how hard it was to bottle up this feeling, how hard to get up every morning and pretend everything was fine, when your body wanted action, when your blood was singing for revenge! And so Thorin would give them this chance, they would march to the mountain and take Erebor back from the beast!

On their first stop in the Shire, looking at all the peaceful hills, gossiping small hobbits, Thorin doubted the wisdom of the wizard. What could a creature of such peace bring into their company, this hobbit would never fit in, he will be a liability, and Thorin vowed to do everything to get rid of him. There were only people who understood, who had revenge in their blood, you could easily spot them by looking in their eyes, such fire was hard to conceal… and then there was the rest, like elves, who didn’t understand such passion, didn’t hear the call for blood. Thorin didn’t trust that last category and sadly the wizard belonged to it as well, then again, who really knows with wizards?

When Thorin first saw the hobbit, he thought he was proven right, but later on the King noticed something: the more Thorin talked about revenge, about taking their home back, Ori even threatening the dragon, the more the hobbit fidgeted, and his eyes, so dull in the beginning, they were bright, and when Thorin looked a bit longer, he saw the same crazed desire for blood in Bilbo Baggins. Thorin nodded and welcomed him in the company. The contract was signed and then the next morning everybody helped Bilbo pack, and even if Dwalin scowled at his small battle axe (it was his mother's, thank you very much), Nori was impressed with Bilbo’s collection of throwing knifes.

Unfortunately for everybody the second part of the journey started peacefully, and so everybody was in a bad mood, the hobbit more than anybody. It was so boring that Thorin started to pick fights with the wizard, which was suicidal and he knew that, but it just was so so quiet. And then trolls happened, mind you the first one was killed by Bilbo sinking his biggest knife in trolls eye, but the two others were hacked to pieces by company. When Gandalf came back, the dwarves were busy cleaning their armor and digging a hole to hide the treasure. Everyone was smiling and congratulating Thorin and the hobbit on their nice new swords. Thorin thought Gandalf will loose his eyebrows, they climbed so high in surprise. All in all an evening well spent! Even better the next morning they finally got the chance for revenge, wargs and cursed orcs, pitiful amount and they were all easy to kill, but it made everybody happier. So happy in fact that when elven patrol happened upon them Thorin agreed for a stay in Imladris. He hated elves for sure and they didn’t understand them, but they didn’t do anything to harm the dwarves, and so Thorin just decided to be as rude as possible. Just for fun. Bilbo disapproved of course. How come a creature who can happily kill trolls and wargs and orcs still cling to his manners, Thorin didn’t understand, but well, to each their own he supposed.

After days in peaceful Rivendell they were finally on their way and Thorin was happy to see light return to Bilbo’s eyes. The king hoped they will meet some goblins to kill in the mountain.

After the scare of stone giants the company huddled in the mountain, miserable, they didn’t even get goblins to kill, some dwarves even despaired that they will cross the mountains without one fight. Oh how wrong they were! After Bilbo noticed his sword shining blue, they were delivered to Goblin king himself. What a bad night. For goblins. And what a glorious battle for dwarves and a hobbit, they fought the whole night and when the goblins fled to hide and there was nobody to kill, they left, leaving the mountain bathed in goblin blood behind. And that was when Azog and his pitiful gang of orcs found them. It was a mistake, adrenalin still running high after the night battle, orcs didn’t have a chance. Before Azog could even finish his taunting speech, Kili had already shot an arrow in his throat and Bilbo finished the job by piercing his heart with his small sword glowing fierce blue. Thorin was not upset that he was not the one to kill the pale orc, there were plenty of orcs to kill and he was just proud of his fierce companions and happy that Azog was finally dead.

When they met Beorn, Thorin was happy to see the same glint of revenge in his eyes, and they even made plans to go haunt orcs together sometime. Gandalf left them in Mirkwood, and it was so so quiet in the forest on the path. So of course Fili and Kili had to go off the road, and then bam the spiders attacked and it was glorious. When the spiders fled deeper in the forest trying to save themselves, the company chased them and destroyed every single one of them. Days later the elves who patrolled the forest didn’t know what happened, they couldn’t believe the dwarves who supposedly hated them would help them so. Tnorin didn’t care, spiders were evil, and all evil on this earth should be killed merciless, and trees-shaggers were clearly not meant for glorious battle. They quitted the forest near the Dol Guldur and were happy to find the fortress occupied with orcs and a necromancer, that Gandalf was busy fighting. Not ones to miss the battle they assisted the wizard. It was over in a matter of hours and the company happily marched on. In fact, you could see Dwalin smiling.

They needed supplies and so went to Lake Town, where the Master tried to imprison them, that didn’t go that well, and when Thorin killed the despicable man himself, Bard was promptly chosen as the lord and he and Thorin even signed an alliance.

Finally they were there,the Lonely Mountain. Finding the door was a problem, but their brilliant hobbit saved the day and then went to scout. Smaug was not dead, which caused them all to cheer and then a melted gold plan was in action, it worked perfectly and the moment Smaug was under the golden lava, Balin let the cold water loose. After the fog cleared, everybody could see a golden floor with the shape of a dead dragon inside. Erebor was taken and their people were avenged.

The whole winter everybody was busy helping in restoration, and by summer even Dale was restored. Dis lead their people back and Thorin could see how happy they all were… except for his company. It pained him to see Ori return to his shy self, and Dori to nagging him, Bombur started to eat tons again and hobbit, their beautiful fierce hobbit had dull eyes again and was thinking about returning to the Shire. Thorin couldn’t stand it anymore. Something had to be done. And so come summer, the company departed to Moria, to try their luck with Balrog.

They fought for weeks, first making short raids to kill the orcs, and then when their forces started to diminish, the dwarves attacked in a full scale battle, destroying practically every orc in the mountain, those who were left ran. After taking a short break and restoring their forces they spent days on reconnaissance. By the end of two week they knew every exit and every pipe working or not and they also knew where Balrog was. It worked so well with the dragon that they went with a similar plan. Balrog was a fire demon, so they just blocked all the exits and flooded the area. When after a week the water was drained, his body was found on the bottom. They could add Balrog slayers to their title of Dragon slayers; though Bilbo still thought Smaug defeat was more epic then this pathetic demon. Couldn’t even handle some water. Pitiful.


End file.
